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  So the only bridge we'd have to cross here would be of the homophobic variety, and we'd dealt with that one so much that it was solid under our feet. A little verbal sparring usually shut it down, mainly because most jocks knew I could kick ass, if I had to. Which I had. And I'd hated it. But I'd do it anytime, anywhere to defend myself or a friend.

  I pursed my lips, put an arm around Josh, and looked Jeff right in the face. "Well look, um, Jeff, is it? Jeff, sweety, we didn't know you and your friends were so into watching, so how 'bout next time we send you boys a formal invitation?" Everyone at our table giggled, except Sean Talbot, who just said, "daaaaaaaaayum,” and then everything went totally still on Jeff's side. His face went from red to crimson, and he started to shake, and all the other guys at his table straightened to attention, like they were finally interested in what was going down. And of course, none of the "on my side" jocks were anywhere to be found. Probably headed home already, or outside, or whatever the hell, I just knew that if Jeff exploded like I thought he was about to, I'd have to settle it on my own. No way was I dragging any of my friends into this.

  Jeff stood up. His whole body was shaking so slightly, that I had a feeling only I noticed it. And, dammit, he smelled like fascist-jock-deliciousness. Gross, what the hell was going on? But no, it wasn't gross. The smell was totally alluring, and when it mixed with my anger and totally on-end nerves, it became a drug. It took steel will to hold myself in place while I waited to see what this asshole was going to do.

  His mouth started to move, and I could tell he was having trouble coming up with just the right bit of bile to spit in my direction. Finally he conjured something, though not very original. "You. Sick. Queer." Then he lunged. Full force. Across the five-or-six foot divide between their table and ours. I had leapt what felt like a nanosecond before, anticipating this exact move on his part. The result was a fight that started midair.

  Until then, most of the cafeteria had barely taken notice. What was so weird about one social group shit-talking another over lunch tables? Not a frickin' thing, in fact, it was a daily high school ritual. Certainly nothing to pay attention to.

  But one of the meanest jocks in a violent, sudden fight with the school's most-popular Emo freak. That was one for the yearbooks.

  A roar went up. And suddenly everybody was standing on their chairs, cheering or jeering or freaking, depending on where they stood that day, or even in that moment.

  Both mine and Jeff's friends were staying out of it, and as long as it stayed that way, things would go just how I had foreseen in the few seconds before I knew Jeff was going to attack. This was gonna be a double-win for my vampire ass, 'cause I had gone mad for the smell of Jeff's blood the moment he stood up.

  He'd never stood a chance.

  I was a different being, even than the one I'd been two minutes ago. My rage was unmatched by anything I'd felt up until that moment, my muscles were as engorged with blood as my brain was with seething hate for this bastard that I was intent on pummeling to the ground and then sucking dry of all his blood.

  The whole room was now in an uproar as I started wailing on Jeff, he getting in what he could, when he could, and me barely feeling it. My friends had formed a half-circle on one side of the fray, his on the other.

  So there it was again: us versus them; in one dumb stroke Jeff and I had brought both our groups back ten paces in the fight for getting along.

  But I would worry about that later. Now I had Jeff pinned, and I was ready to go for his throat. I inhaled and drew up, ready to dive into him, my arms pinning him helplessly, when a cold breath of clarity shook my brain. I couldn't do what I wanted to, no way. But God, my mouth was full-on watering, my heart was racing, my stomach was actually gurgling. Not only was I raging, but I felt like I was running on empty.

  Forget it, I thought, let it go.

  I had "won,” whatever that meant in situations like these, so I just leaned down right by his ear, and whispered, "Don't ever fuck with me or any of my friends again. I'm not violent by nature, but you see what I'm capable of now, right? Good. You and your Cro-Magnons stay the hell away from us, or your next ass kicking will be much... more...thorough." And I didn't even have to act, 'cause that was the truth, and nothing at that moment was more real than my rage. Except my confusion.

  The crowds started to break apart, and I knew that meant that the fight was over and they were bored, but more importantly, there were teachers and admins on the way.

  Before I could decide fully what to do about the change of sitch, I noticed something that I figured had to be key: as soon as the hardest edge of my anger had ebbed, so had the crazy lust-hunger in my gut.

  My friends were staring at me with mouths gaping and eyes popping, while Jeff's friends were helping him to his shaky feet. Josh was just smiling, though I knew he was concealing a bit of fear. There was nothing normal about what I'd just done.

  I grabbed Josh, and we ran for the courtyard.

  "What's the plan?” he said as we ran.

  "The plan is, you're driving my ass home right now."

  We ran through the courtyard, out toward the parking lot, the screaming voice of the Assistant Principal following us the whole way.

  CHAPTER 13: QUANDRY MEETS PRACTICALITY

  We were both pumped. Terrified, disoriented, and pumped. I knew as soon as I got home that Shannon was gonna tear me a new one, and who knew what would happen at school? Honestly, probably not too much. I had practically no record of any fights, and Jeff, while a total douchebag, usually seemed to keep his nose clean as well. It was other crap that had me shaken.

  There was no denying that there were too many things I didn't know, that were just too damn important.

  If my anger could drive me to almost kill in public, in broad daylight, what else was I capable of, and how long could I fight those kinda urges? There was something else creeping its ugly way into my consciousness, step by cold step, that I had to face sooner rather than later. A nasty little two-part question that had been stocked away in the back of my vampire mind since the day after the Alphatwyn show: Could I be killed? And if so, how?

  Josh was spread out all lanky on his bed, and I was on the floor, back against the wall, between his cavernous closet and draped-over window; a little touch I was grateful for today, especially, because I was also starting to notice that the more revved my senses were, the more sensitive to light I became. Screw Andrew and Victoria for doing this to me and leaving me all vampire-blind!

  "Josh, we have to do something."

  "Hell yeah we do. Start planning on how we're going to explain you getting expelled right before you finish a pretty decent high school career!"

  "Oh please. Nothing that huge is gonna happen. Not given my history, not given, well, lotsa things. Anyway, it's the least of my worries right now. The truth is I'm freaking, my friend, and I have to figure out a way to settle down. And there's only one way: answers. I can't go on living day-to-day, waiting for the next surprise."

  "What are you talking about? This time..."

  "Well, you saw that fight—"

  "Hell yes. Amazing! I mean, that was some Matrix-y shit you had working there. Damn!"

  "Josh, did you stop to think that like, I've been in oh, exactly zero fights on school grounds in my life, that you, in fact, have never seen me in a fight, and that given those facts, I more than held my own against Jeff?” I asked, trying to open his crush-glazed eyes.

  He looked a little cold and pale. Well, paler than usual.

  "No,” he said. "No, I guess I hadn't thought about all that. And I guess... well, I mean, I think I know where you might be going."

  "Maybe you do, but maybe you just think that you were watching more of my, whatever, enhanced physical ability at work, but it goes deeper than that, to a level that honestly is freaking me the hell out right now."

  Josh just sat there for a bit, then, "...Oh?"

  "Yeah. Look, the reason I was able to attack Jeff the way I did, with as m
uch, I dunno, force and ...grace? skill? I dunno, the reason I was able to do what I did, is because as he was getting all pissed and pumped, I caught a whiff of his blood, and I wanted more than I'd wanted...it, that juice, that human life essence, more than I'd wanted anything in my life, and the wanting sent me into this kinda white-gray-red zone where I could only focus on drinking him dry. And I'm tellin' ya man, right at the height of the fighting, I was so close to ripping his jugular open, that I had to stop like, shh, stone-still and use every bit of strength I had to not bite into him. Can you imagine, Josh? If I'd have just torn into his stupid jock neck right there? Murder, dude... fucking murder, in front of hundreds of people. And to keep from being arrested, I would've had to flex my supernatural muscle, and do God-knows-what. So then a 'killer hunt' would've eventually turned into a 'vampire hunt', and... oh God,” and I could barely breathe. I started shaking, then sobbing, then I buried my head in my knees as my body wracked me with full-on, gigantic crying and moaning.

  Josh rushed over to my side, plopped his skinniness down next to me, and threw his arms around my upper body, holding me tight-tight-tight. And I just cried, my body rocking and heaving with despair and total loss. Loss of control, loss of thought, and for a minute, it felt, loss of sanity.

  "Oh God, Kyle, I just...I hate that this isn't easier for you. I...God this is all so weird. I mean, crap, you know how I am, you've known me all my life, I mean this should be a dream come true for me, right? My best friend is a hot vampire with scene cred, and...it's all sort of screwed up, isn't it? Because you seem so damn miserable about it, but...it's new, ya know? I mean, this is all still really new for you, and of course you're gonna feel like all lost and scared shitless and like you don't know what the hell's going on, because, well, you don't. But that's okay, because we're going to figure it out."

  I stopped rocking, but kept my head down on my knees. "We are?"

  "Yes. There's no way you can go on like this. I won't see you go through this, I love you too much. Well, you know what I mean, I mean, like, I don't... I mean, well, I love you, and..."

  "Shut up freakness, I get it,” I said, my head still buried, but he could totally tell I was smiling as I talked. I sniffed, still keeping my head down, and mumbled, "But how?"

  "I'm already working on that, trust me. I'm smart, and I'm trying to learn all about this as fast as I can, right along with you. Ever since you've told me about what's happened, I've been doing assloads of research on Vampirism and Alphatwyn. I think I might know a good place to start. So, let's get to it tonight, huh? The sooner all this is behind you, the sooner you can move on with your new life confidently,” his voice smiled.

  I finally looked up. His optimistic eyes were like a gift from a maniac. I was so relieved.

  "Oh God, Josh, thank you so much!"

  But his eyes were suddenly huge, and he'd actually gone paler-than-Gothy-pale. Then he seemed to calm, un-bugged his blue peepers, and sort of bark-chuckled.

  "Well, my newly non-human friend,” he said, "let's go to the bathroom and clean you up. Looks like you need to add 'crying bloody tears' to the list of things to research. Oh, and listen Romeo, I don't recommend you crying while you're on that date with my sis this Friday!"

  And, appropriate or not, we both laughed. And laughed. We had to.

  That was when Jackie knocked on the door.

  Not that a knock was much more than a courtesy "I'm here and coming in" kinda thing with Jackie anyway, so within about a half-second, she twisted the knob and sick-shuffled in, looking more tired than anything else, before noticing my face. At that moment, I was thankful for the fight I'd been in, and smeared the blood about a bit on my face, to keep it from looking too fresh, and to cover the tracks it had marked from my eyes to my cheeks.

  Her face became a dramatic mask of shock.

  "Kyle, babe, omigosh what happened?” She joined her brother at my side.

  "Wicked fight,” I said, "with Jeff Hargraves no less."

  Josh started gushing, while his sister held my face in her hands and looked into my eyes, "Jackie, you should've seen this guy. Like some madman in murder mode, just pummeling the hell out of Hargraves. Truly outstanding!"

  Her eyes darted toward him, "Outstandingly stupid! Good God, that guy is a brute, and top of that this is going to put quite a blemish on your semi-pristine record,” she said, looking back at me.

  "Ugh, it's not gonna be that big of a deal. Fuck's sake!"

  She took a girly-girl regrouping breath that made my heart flutter, then said, "Well, at least I know I'll be well-protected on our date Friday. If you came out of a scrap with Jeff H. with this little damage, that's certainly to your physical credit, saying nothing of your mental." And she smacked me playfully on the shoulder. "God, what were you thinking?"

  "I wasn't, Jackie. It was pure anger and adrenaline, and... some other things... mainly extreme jocko-homophobia."

  "Oh, like that's something new!” she said. "Come on, you guys should totally be used to it by now. It's senior year, and hell, if they want to take a couple of ignorant pot-shots because you guys actually know how to shower and dress, let them, but don't let them get the best of you and draw you into something ridiculous like a brawl."

  "A lunchroom brawl!” Josh corrected with enthusiasm. "It was so... Eighties Retro High School Angst Film!"

  Jackie turned on Josh. "I'm sorry, brother dear, but aren't you gay, and therefore disgusted and appalled by violent displays of machismo?”

  "I'm sorry, sister dear,” he mocked, "but aren't you intelligent and passed clinging to Nineties stereotypes?"

  She grinned her big beautiful Jackie grin. "Fine, fine. You two brutes get cleaned up. I have homework to do. And I believe Mr. Ryan has some planning to do for Friday night."

  "Oh, no worries babe. I have the night totally figured out already,” I bluffed, knowing there was a lot I still had to decide about not only Friday night, but many nights beyond.

  "I'd expect no less."

  "And you deserve no less,” I said, proud of my attempt at gallantry, yet baffled at how quick the 'babes' were re-emerging.

  "Well well, what a gentleman you are... When you're not beating the hell out of jocks. Ta for now, boys!"

  Josh looked after her. "There is nobody in the world like my sister."

  "Amen, my friend. Amen. She is a slice of sexy sass!"

  "Alright, enough. A guy does have a threshold. Though I do appreciate the alliterative quality of your lusty comments.,” he said, nudging me. "Anyway, we have more pressing matters. You, Alphatwyn, Vampires, answers. I think you need to have a bunch of stuff already sorted out before Friday, because I believe it would be in your best interest to tell Jackie the truth, and as much of it, as you can on your date. There's no point in trying to start something up again, and hiding the biggest facet of your life in the process."

  "Yeah. Yeah, you're totally right. Plus, honestly Josh, I can't keep not knowing. Because the more I find out I don't know, the more scared I get, the more scared I get the more tense I get, the more tense I get... the more I want blood."

  "Speaking of wanting blood...?"

  "I'm good for now. I might have to go on a little hunt later tonight. But right now I'm totally centered."

  "You know you don't really have to hunt."

  I stared him down. "Yes. Josh. Actually, I really do. I can't keep using you as a supply. You're my friend, not my fix."

  "Yeah, but—"

  "I know. Josh. I know. And, I just can't feed off of you every time I need some fuel, okay? I know you don't mind, and I know..."

  I just let it hang there, because we both knew what the silence said: My feeding off Josh was as close as he could get to me. Closer probably than even, well, the thing I could never give him.

  I'm not wired that way, I had said to him. But I sure as shit was wired, now, to suck blood. And was it so wrong and leading if I fed off him? If he got something out of it along with me? If it did, in fact, make him feel a l
ittle bit like... but no, I couldn't think of that, if for no other reason than the fact that I had a date with his sister, and would probably be seriously dating her again faster than any of us could say "creepy love triangle". But dammit, there he was, so willing, and here I was, so hungry. And as long as I kept myself, and my hunger, under control, no harm would be done. No physical harm, anyway.

  Could I keep all these disparate and warring issues separate in my head whenever I needed blood, and Josh happened to be nearby? Was there any use even trying to fight the ease of the situation?

  No. Not now, at least.

  "Give me your wrist,” I said.

  Josh smiled. A friendly smile. An understanding smile. And that shook away some of my guilt, for the moment.

  CHAPTER 14: WILL YOU?

  The week went fast. The days zoomed by in sharp-edged, three-dimensional films of school life, nothing seeming entirely real until it was dark and I was with my friends or my sister.

  Jeff Hargraves and I both got slaps on the wrist, and we both had to do a day of In School Suspension. Total BFD, right? I spent the day reading one of Josh's horror novels, and thought of how Friday night might go. One thing was clear, though, from dodged glances and feints to the left or right of hallways: Jeff and a lot of his asshole cronies were completely terrified of me. Fine. I'd take it. The less hassle the better.

  Friday afternoon was on me fast and crazy, and I was freakish nervous like a tweakin' LA club kid. Usually I was way too cool with the fairer sex, but there was something about the "getting back together" process that had me undone like an old sweater. Plus, this was my Jackie. I know it's like, politically incorrect and all improper to even infer something like this, but I always felt that she belonged to me, and I belonged to her, like we owned each other in some way. I guess we did, actually, own each other's hearts. It had always been that way. Ever since I'd first met her, whenever Jackie was actually on my radar screen, it was like no other girl existed or mattered, in that romanticish sense, anyway.