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  But I told him, emphatically, that I was sincere. Most of the stuff I listened to rocked, jangled, or whined its way into my heart and mind, but Alphatwyn took me over and completely moved me. Their music was a synthesis of rock and electronica, punctuated with a lead vocal that was so powerful and passionate that it caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. People so often used that expression when babbling on about art or music, but the phenomenon had never happened to me until I'd heard Alphatwyn.

  Now, on the way home, we were listening to my favorite song, "Unsuspecting Town". It was a story-song, with a pulsing synth line, a driving lead guitar, and bass accents from the screamin'-hot Vicky Vixen that gave the song a full, dark beauty. Then, frontman Andy Vein's voice kicked in, and made the whole thing soar.

  "Josh, I swear I could listen to this guy sing all day. There's so much... something, feeling? I dunno. He makes you feel like you're connected to him."

  "God, you're dramatic. But it is kind of funny you should say that. The guy looks just like you, except, maybe five or ten years older." He'd said this once before, and in just the same way, making sure his face was completely averted from mine, this time doing that easily by pretending to focus harder on the road, instead of turning to me every five seconds like he usually did.

  "Yeah, yeah, so you've said. I don't really see the resemblance, and honestly, as far as the band goes visually, I'm a little preoccupied with… "I didn't finish because I didn't have to. He knew. Ever since I'd seen the band's first video, I was immediately and powerfully drawn, first, to the bassist Vicky. Of course I couldn't help noticing Andy Vein (aka, Andrew Vandridge, so I forgave him the pseudonym), the frontman. He was like a hypnotist, who happened to have a kick ass voice. But Vicky Vixen, as she called herself, happened to look almost identical to Jackie. Those looks, combined with her playing and helping to produce that hypnotically rocking sound, put me into overdrive. Watching their videos was almost a chore. I didn't know which way to turn. When Andy wasn't hypnotizing the camera, Vicky was there, just off to the side, looking amazing and reminding me of heartache. It had been perfect at first. Jackie and I were tight and in love when I first fell for Alphatwyn. But in the end, she left me, and I was left with them. So all my attention went to Vicky and Andy. They were more than an artistic outlet for me now, they were how I helped myself heal, little by little, song by song. I knew there were three other members in the band, but they never even crossed my radar screen. As far as I was concerned, Alphatwyn was two beautiful creatures, and three dudes who backed them up. I tried not to drool over Vicky too much in Josh's presence, it felt disrespectful, wrong.

  Josh reached over and tousled my mop of hair. "It's okay man. Ha, sometimes I feel bad for ever getting you into that band. If I'd known sis was gonna go all nuts and leave you... well, I mean... hindsight's 20/20 and all that."

  "Jackie's not nuts,” I said defensively. I felt immediately guilty. Josh was just trying to stick up for me.

  "She's nuts for leaving you," he mumbled.

  I honestly don't think he even meant for me to hear it, but I did. It was a weird thing with Josh. Though I was a few months younger, and a few inches shorter, it sometimes seemed like Josh had a hero-worship thing going on with me. He saw me as the all-popular scene kid, and there was a lot of truth to that, but, sometimes I found it hurtful that he didn't respect that he and I were best friends, and on equal ground.

  We pulled into his driveway, and Josh brought the car to a stop. We sat there for a few seconds, in total silence.

  "Kyle, look. I mean, Jackie feels terrible, you know that, right? I mean, I still don't know all the reasons for her doing what she did, but she did it and, and I never will, and neither will you, probably, and..."

  "Hey. Stop. It's okay. I'm here to hang with you. Guy time. No ex talk or any of that junk, okay?”

  Josh smiled, "Well, we'll see how long you last. Come on."

  When we got inside, and into Josh's room, all my emotional baggage seemed to fall away. It was hard to say if it was the company I was keeping, or the environment I was in that was the greater distraction, because Josh's room truly was another world. He kept it dark, or very dimly lit at most. Every wall was decorated with theatre lobby-sized posters of horror films and iconography of every major Gothic band from the past twenty five years. One space on the wall was left open, and occupied by the flat-screened plasma TV his parents had gotten him for his eighteenth a few months ago. It wasn't the biggest on the market, but the picture was amazingly clear and Josh had a sweet high-def surround sound system rigged up all around his room, speakers hidden here and there so the unsuspecting viewer would never know where the audio was coming from.

  "So what are we watching today?" I asked, genuinely curious. I was always amazed and amused at the number and variety of grotesquerie and oddities Josh had in his DVD collection.

  "Hold on,” he said, "let me jump online real quick."

  After checking his email, he navigated over to the most important spot on the internet, to our minds at least, Alphatwyn's website.

  I popped up behind his right shoulder. "You sneaky bastard! You really do know how to get my mind off the bad stuff!”

  "Hey, this isn't just for you. I'm being a bit selfish, really. I heard some whispers on a forum that Alphatwyn might be announcing some random tour dates, so I had to come here and check the "news" section."

  "Well, do it already!" I almost yelled. The thought of a tour filled me with ecstasy and despair; ecstasy because the smallest chance of seeing Alphatwyn live made me shake, and despair because I knew that the closest town they'd probably hit would be at least a two-hour drive from our small neo-suburb. Still, I had to know. Maybe I could work something out with Shannon.

  Josh scrolled down, and clicked on the button with "news and upcoming tours" scrawled in high-gothic, bloody-looking letters. The rumors appeared to be true. The heading on the page read ALPHATWYN ANNOUNCES 'HELLOWEEN ON WHEELS' TOUR. WE'LL BE MAKING TEN STOPS IN THE MONTH OF OCTOBER... WILL WE BE NEAR YOU? IF SO, BE PREPARED!"

  Ten dates. Oh my god. I started scanning, slowly, the list of cities as Josh scrolled down gingerly. He was feeling the same thing I was: He wanted to take all the dates in slowly, almost one at a time, so it wouldn't be so jarring to find out was playing nowhere near us. So we started to scan together. Portland, Seattle, San Francisco, Sacramento, Los Angeles, San Diego. Right, just as I thought, the usual spots up and down the west coast... But, right when the tour seemed to double-back...

  "No way! NO WAY!"

  For a small second, my sadness over Jackie and even Mom and Dad completely blanked out. As Alphatwyn made their last four stops back up the coast, they were actually going to play Bakersfield. Bakersfield was not far at all from our small town. In fact, it was just a short ways west. Hell, I went to Bakersfield when I wanted to indulge in the "scene" life and get away from everything. But when, when were they coming?

  Ha.

  This could not be real. It took several long seconds to let it actually register.

  "Dude, can you believe this?!" Josh shouted at me. He had seen it at exactly the same time I had.

  Alphatwyn would be in Bakersfield, California on the night of Saturday, October 20th. The night of my eighteenth birthday.

  I started giggling under my breath, unable to control this bubbling sort of joy. I was reconnecting with all my happy centers again. It was like I had jumped into a pool of ice-cold water on a 110-degree day, the pure happiness was that shocking.

  "This is absolutely epic! This is... serendipitous, Kyle! This is some kind of cosmic alignment or... I don't know!"

  "Ha, who's dramatic now? Not that I'm not about to pass out. Wow."

  "Kyle, don't you lift a finger or worry a second about any of this. I've so got your birthday all planned out!"

  "Oh, Josh, man, come on, you don't have to do that, I have resources..."

  "Shut UP. It's your eighteenth, and I am putting myself personally in
charge of making sure it's a night you will never, ever forget."

  I could never fault Josh's enthusiasm, but selfishly, I was just really scared to leave this all in somebody else's hands. I felt like I had to micro-manage the entire situation, since it was my night, and I wanted it to be perfect. It certainly had the potential.

  Then I looked at Josh's face, staring down at me, half puppy-dog, half petulant teenaged goth-boi, all great friend.

  "Trust me," he said. "Please. You will not regret it."

  "Fine. Of course, of course, yeah... I mean, yes, I totally trust you, I just... this is so once in a lifetime..."

  "Kyle! I've got this. Believe me." He looked almost devious. I was sold.

  "Okay, now, get out."

  "What?" I was taken aback by the rudeness, playful or not. He was totally in scheme mode.

  "Just... go home, I have some calls to make."

  "Josh Dalton, you little punk, I swear if I didn't know better I'd say you were kicking me out."

  "Hey... You already pretty-much know what your big gift is gonna be. At least let some of the night be a surprise?"

  "Well, you've got me too curious, now. I suppose I have to leave. The sooner you get started with your little plan, the sooner it comes into play, I guess.”

  "You get nothing until the 20th. Until then, you'll just have to exercise a bit of patience, my friend." He was loving this too much.

  "Alright. I'm out. See you at school tomorrow and... um, don't do anything too crazy."

  "Ugh, just GO!" he was practically pushing me out his front door.

  "I'm gone dude! Later!" Now I was just goading him. The door slammed in my face.

  I turned and looked at the quiet neighborhood around me, growing purple with twilight. All I could hear was stillness, all I could see were suburban houses and a beautiful pre-night sky, and all I could think about was Alphatwyn. Now my eighteenth birthday had significance beyond some random number.

  ~ * ~

  It was about a ten minute walk from Josh's house to mine, and I'd found ways to shave off a minute or two by cutting through some small abandoned subdivisions, those that had died in the early construction phase. Eventually this path ended up right along the edge of the gully that ran, usually dry, through the land at the bottom of my back yard.

  I took the earphones of my MP3 player out, as I decided to take a quiet walk home, in one of those ecstasy dazes, the way you walked away from a great first date with a hot girl who you always thought was beyond your reach, or the way you teetered away from a day at an amusement park, having been on every mammoth coaster in the place at least twice. It was a heady combination of exhaustion, elation, and otherworldliness.

  I took the shortcuts without even thinking, negotiating my way over this fallen two-by-four and that concrete slab. Wandering through this house graveyard always made me wonder why such projects are sometimes abandoned, why they aren't ever restarted, why those in charge don't ever clean up the mess that was left behind. I started thinking all these things and more. The happier I was, the more philosophical and ponderous I became. I started imagining all the possible lives and families that would have existed here, in this no-man's land between my house and the house of the girl who still held my heart in a glass box.

  "Come on Kyle, all you have to do is smash it with your bare hands, rip your flesh to shreds, and take it back. Try it, I dare you."

  That was the "evil Jackie" of my day dreams. The Jackie I often conjured when taking a walk, or just sitting silently outside of school. I knew it was emotionally-charged exaggeration, and even a bit unfair, but it felt therapeutic to sometimes just think of her as a cruel bitch. It cut the hurt into fractions.

  Darkness was almost full-on now. Twilight had faded to gray, and then to blue-black. The stars were obscured by clouds, a slight breeze was blowing, and everything seemed to swiftly shift. Then the event, slight and elusive as it was:

  Whoosh!...

  The swift sound and sight of something in the far right side of my field of vision yanked me out of my indulgent thoughts.

  I stopped, stood absolutely still, and let my senses sharpen. I was cold all over and my skin was gooseflesh. It wasn't just the windy sound or the (barely noticed) sight of something skimming swiftly past me, it was the fact that something felt terribly wrong. Off. Like the order of things had come completely undone, and there was something unnatural all around me. For a second, there seemed to be no stars, no early-fall warmth, and even the air seemed to thin out.

  Then, just as soon as I'd recognized these things, they were gone.

  Like a breath, or a sigh; here, not here, that quickly.

  I had to get home, fast, if for no other reason than to chill and be around complete normality. I didn't necessarily believe I was in any real danger, but I was freaked and needed to be at my home base. I needed to feel grounded. Centered. That had been in short supply today.

  The day had taken a toll on me, obviously. Yes, I had seen and heard something, but the reaction I'd had was unwarranted, and could probably be chalked up to stress, not enough sleep, and over-excitement about Alphatwyn.

  I held the thought of October 20th close to my heart, and tight in my mind, letting the willies fall away, feeling my flesh smooth out again, and my body warm up, as I quickly walked the rest of the way to my back door.

  When I joined up with the gully's edge as I emerged from the subdivision graveyard, I could already see the light coming from the back porch, that artificial amber glow that had been a beacon since early childhood, and now sometimes served as a painful reminder of summer nights, playing until dark, and finally coming home to mom, dad and sis. That was one reason why Shannon was something so important to me; beyond being my sister, she was one-third of a strong memory that I still had in the flesh. Somebody I could actually look at, talk with, and relate to in real time, and not just in dreams. She was on the back porch, talking with animation and total chipperdom into her cell.

  Her voice always brought my mind back to a place of clarity after I'd let it wander too far. There was a soothing sensibility in its tone and rhythm, and it usually made me glad to be back home. So much for teenaged rebellion. Ha, what a bad-ass scene kid I was... I actually missed my mom and dad, and loved my sister. I guessed that made me a partial sell-out, and I didn't give a damn.

  I put a few more feet between myself and our backyard, and Shannon saw me approaching, but instead of waving or smiling, she quickly dodged inside the back door and slammed it shut. Sometimes even those closest to us could shock us and throw us off guard.

  Nice to see you too, sis.

  I'd have to find out what this was about... and then get to my computer as fast as possible, compulsive fan that I was.

  CHAPTER THREE: EARLY

  I walked into the house, confused and a bit annoyed. Shannon was leaning against the couch in the living room, cell phone crooked between her shoulder and her right ear.

  "Um, hi Shannon?!" She was just hanging up.

  "Hey!" she beamed. "What's up?"

  "Wow... nothing I guess. I just thought you were mad at me or something. You saw me and pretty much stormed into the house."

  "Oh, that," she looked embarrassed. And guilty. "I was just having a private convo and didn't want you to overhear. No big deal kiddo." That wasn't like her. She kept emotions to herself sometimes, but if she had something she wanted to share, she shared it. I also knew all her friends. Something wasn't adding up. But I was too tired to focus on the oddity, so I let it go.

  "Well hey, I think I'm going to crash early tonight, so I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

  "Goodnight Kyle. Dream easy, okay?"

  "For both of our sakes, right?" I smiled.

  "Shush. I just want you to get a good night's rest."

  "I'll try, Shae. Goodnight".

  I went to my room, hopped on the computer, went to my bookmarks, and clicked on the Alphatwyn site as fast as I could. I was sitting cross-legged in my computer chair,
one hand navigating the mouse, the other playing nervously with the bit of hair that fell over the left side of my face. My often imitated nervous habit.

  I had to look at the tour dates again, just to make sure they were real. I had an irrational fear that somehow between Josh's house and mine, somebody on the band's management team might have decided to cancel their Bakersfield date, or hell, the whole tour for that matter.

  But no, there they were, all ten dates, packed into the month of October neatly, and... They all went on sale tomorrow? What?! That had actually been posted since I left Josh's house. I would have to go ask Jackie for the money now, and for her car on that night, and then sell her on just how much Alphatwyn meant to me. Not that she ever begrudged my going out. It would all come down to money. For the tickets, for gas, for the whole thing.

  And I'd have to ask with her in this weird way. Great.

  I had never been scared of my sister, and we always got along, but the only time friction ever arose was on matters of frugality. My fear wasn't about us getting into a fight, it was that of making her uncomfortable about spending money. Shannon was always good to me, rising above and beyond whatever bad relationship she might be in, or tight spot with one of her friends, to take care of me, and bugging her for tickets to a show seemed so many kinds of lame.

  I walked toward the living room, nervous and unsure how to approach.

  She was watching TV, eating a protein bar, a funny kind of crooked smile on her face.

  "Hey Shae."

  "Hey kiddo, what's up? How ya doin?" She was all smiles and sparkles, as Josh liked to say about too-happy people.

  "I'm alright. How are you?"

  "I'm great. Really great." She took a bite, looked at me, smiled like a guilty crook, and went back to her show.

  "Right." I was confused now, on top of being nervous about how to proceed. What the hell. Just go for it.

  "Shannon. I want to talk to you about something. And, it's not something that's easy for me. But... something happened today, and it's driving me crazy and I feel like this is an event I just can't pass up..."