Scene Immortal Page 4

"Please don't exaggerate before 6 am. I left the window like, a half inch cracked at the bottom, just to let the stale air out of here."

  "Well then, you really were out of it with excitement last night, because when I came in here just now, the window was full-on open. You can feel how cold it is in here".

  She was right. And Shannon wasn't exactly generous with the air-conditioning, didn't really need to be during October in this area. And there's no way it could be this frigid with the window opened only a crack. I mean, I had done the whole perimeter check last night, to cement the experience. The window had not been wide open. I'd never slept with it like that in my life.

  "Anyway, get up kiddo. Education beckons."

  "Yeah, I'm on it." But I wasn't. I was trying to make sense of everything, trying not to let the connection between Shannon's revelation and the events of last night freak me out completely. There were probably fifty logical explanations, but none of them would comfort me now. I had to find a way to shake it off until I had time to really think it over.

  Shannon left, shutting the door behind her. I got up and went over to my computer. I figured looking at the Alphatwyn announcements one more time might help me forget that I was too scared to really focus on anything so mundane as getting ready for school right now. It would just have to slip away on its own. I knew it was stupid, deep down, but on the surface I was really shaken, rational or not.

  I sat down in my computer chair, all leathery black cold from the night of exposure, and I smelled a distinct odor that was like... funk. Or musk. Sweat, basically. I sniffed, and looked around, as if that would make the smell go away, or somehow change it. When I looked down my heart stopped for a second. There was dirt on the floor. I ran to my bedside and picked up my shoes. Dirty. Muddy. Dried, caked mud and dirt, from the construction site and from the area all around my house.

  Finally I let out a huge sigh.

  I had tracked dirt in the house, and after a nervous walk home had sat down in front of the computer, funking up the chair.

  I felt gross, and like an idiot. All I needed was to shower and bang my shoes on the driveway, not worry about some non-existent intruder. If only Josh could see me now... or Jackie. That thought actually sent a shiver of embarrassment up my spine.

  "Kyle!"

  "I know, I know, sorry!" Time to wake up, man. Better to face the day a little embarrassed than terrified.

  Then, as I was getting into the shower, a thought occurred to me that set a new spark off inside my head, and let me believe I would get through the rest of the day with no problems: The concert was next Saturday night!

  ~ * ~

  Shannon dropped me off in front of Westridge High with about a minute to spare before my first class, my fault of course. Fear had given way to extreme excitement about the show, but once that wore off, nothing remained but groggy exhaustion. I was never this sluggish, but my life hadn't been on an even keel for a couple of months now. Shannon had told me that I wouldn't end up too worse for the wear, after the deaths and the breakup, because I had "the resiliency of youth". I guessed it was on vacation for now. At least I was past the stress-breakout phase. I had never been a pimply kinda guy, but man, for those first couple of weeks I was all red bumps and oily skin. So the obvious, physical stuff had coursed its way through my system, but now the deeper-rooted emotional garbage seemed to be working its own form of black magic on me.

  At least Jackie wasn't hanging smack out in front of the school. Of course she wasn't, she was in class, where I should be. And didn't I kind of owe her one now, anyway? Maybe I could at least give her a break in the confines of my own mind. Maybe I could even give her the benefit of the doubt and actually believe she did like doing nice things for me, even though it wasn't for the reasons I would have hoped.

  If only I ruled the world.

  Right. Go to class, face reality, move forward, and when all that fails you, think of next Saturday, I told myself. And the day sped by in a blur of daydreaming and droning lectures. Once, I saw Jackie up against a set of lockers, talking with her friends, and she gave me a knowing wink. I turned red and smiled, still not courageous enough to go up and outright thank her. Baby steps.

  ~ * ~

  The days ran on, seeming to blow by on a breeze, and got progressively better. I started thinking less about what had sucked so bad about my life in the recent past, and more and more I returned to being the guy everybody had known before: The Scene Kid with a smile, the Emo Boi who wasn't really all that Emo. I even managed a couple of "hey”s to Jackie, and started spending almost every day after school with Josh. I was re-emerging from my seclusion.

  Of course, everything that wasn't Josh or school was Alphatwyn: on my player, in the car, on the computer. They let a new song drop on their site to celebrate the kicking-off of their mini-tour, and I had it downloaded and carrying me through the days until the show. Josh was angry, because it debuted at number 285 on the Alternative Dance Charts. That was so like him. I wished I could get that peeved about trivial things, but that was part of Josh's charm as a friend. He was one of those guys that was cutting-edge in his esthetics, but would always maintain a kind of childlike innocence about life.

  I was just happy that for the first time since everything had gone down, I was starting to enjoy life again, and my nightmares had even stopped. Well, at least they had become less frequent, and less intense, and I was grateful for that. I also wasn't the hallway wallflower I had been for the past couple of months. I was striking up conversations, girls were randomly flirting with me, as if noticing me for the first time, and any tension that ever came close to threatening mine and Shannon's relationship had completely disappeared. Maybe turning eighteen was a big deal. Or, maybe time really did heal all wounds. Either way, I wasn't going to question it, I was too busy living my life again.

  ~ * ~

  On the Friday before the night of the show, I don't think one word any teacher spoke made its way into my brain. I was hyper, overly-social, and talking a mile-a-minute about whatever came into my mind. The school had never looked so banal and boring, the paint on the walls so pallid and drab, nor had any day ever felt so long. I was hyper-aware of each ticking second, and so restless I couldn't sit through a class without bouncing my leg or playing with my hair to the point where people who never even looked my way were shooting me funny glances. I'd have to rein some of that crazy energy in for the night, because Shannon was taking me to a birthday dinner at my favorite veggie restaurant, but that would be easy. It was the constant social and academic verbal stimuli of school that was too much for me to focus on. The droning blah-blah of hallway gossip, the undercurrent of speculation about who was dating who and the constant chatter about what everybody was doing for the weekend. It was all like a thousand gossiping bugs in my head. So until I got home, I was just sort of a jabbering basket case. It forced me to expend my excess energy, and helped me block out my too acute awareness of everything going on around me. Still, annoying and frenzied as it all was, I was in an amazing mood, almost sick with glee, and it was that mood in fact that kept me abuzz right at the same speed as all the other high school chatterboxes. And Josh, while sharing my enthusiasm about Saturday, was not quite as excited as I was, and took much pleasure in making fun of my giddy state. He even laughed at me when I gave his sister a hug before getting into his car so he could take me home.

  "What was that?! You just hugged my sister?"

  "Well, I haven't exactly thanked her for what she was able to pull off for me, so... I guess it was the least I could do."

  "Yeah, but you know how Jackie is. She doesn't even expect recognition for her random favors, much less hugs from ex-boyfriends!"

  "Ouch,” I shot back. "Do you think it was too much? Did I make her uncomfortable?" I went into momentary panic-mode.

  He laughed at me. "Would you relax? No, I actually think... she thought it was kind of... I don't know, cute or something. She was bright red after you let her go." That touched me, for
a second, and then I was back in the land of tomorrow night. Knowing I would have to work, hard, to put it on the back burner while Shannon and I spent our bro/sis birthday time together.

  Josh pulled into my driveway, put his car in park, and turned down the stereo. I looked at him. "What's up?" He threw his arms around me and squeezed hard.

  "Ha! Josh what was that about?" He looked misty and hopeful.

  "It's just so damn good to have you back. Finally." I smiled, a little bewildered. It wasn't the display of affection, hell, that was commonplace, but it was the randomness of the gesture, the fact that it came out of nowhere. "Happy almost birthday Kyle, I'll pick you up early tomorrow and we can hang before the show."

  "I can't wait! Literally!" I couldn't let it pass. What he had pointed out was too on point. "And Josh, thanks for ... noticing. And um, not dropping my ass when I wasn't being myself."

  "Oh, you'll have to work much harder than that to ever rid yourself of me, pretty boy! See ya tomorrow!" He sped off.

  Pretty boy? He loved to give me crap about my looks, and how much time I worried about them. That was fair. My vanity was probably my worst quality. He'd never used that exact term to describe me, though. He'd called me "rock star" and "mirror freak" and a hundred other friendly backhanded compliments, but never "pretty boy". And while it was a bit off, as far as joking compliments you'd expect from your best friend, it somehow didn't sound too weird coming out of his mouth. Fine by me, let Vicky V think I'm pretty, hell let Andy V think I'm pretty for that matter, so long as I got to hang with them. The thought put a lump in my throat as I walked to the front door.

  Shannon was home, as I'd expected, and opened the door before I could put my hand on the knob.

  "Kiddo! Get in here!" She grabbed me, hugged me, and pulled me in the house.

  "So what do you want? It's your night. I've picked out three restaurants that I thought sounded like they were perfect for you. Veggie Delite, Golden Temple, and Buddha's Smile, all veggie, all with great reputations!"

  I didn't have the heart to tell her I was too excited to really think about food.

  "Hell Shae, they all sound good. Um, I've actually been to Veggie Delite, and it's cool, but I wanna try something new. Which one is closest?"

  "That would be Golden Temple."

  "Then that's the one!"

  "Excellent, let me just grab my purse and we'll hit it."

  I stood there, just breathing, taking everything in. Being at home silenced me, calmed my frenzy, and hanging out with Shae tonight over an awesome spread of veggie food and maybe some green tea would be very relaxing. And I wasn't blind to what Shannon was doing, trying to keep me so occupied that it might not occur to me that this would be my first birthday without my parents, but she didn't have to worry. I had made more peace with their passing than I'd ever meant to in so short a time. But I didn't feel guilty about that. They wouldn't want me to.

  The door was still open, and I turned to look at the cute cliché of a suburban neighborhood that sprawled out in front of our house. The sun was setting, and everything had a beauty about it that only fall could bring. The sun glinted off the SUVs and sports cars as it made its descent, the bugs of night were already starting their chorus, and kids up and down the street were trying to grab the last bits of vitamin D from the sun's rays before they had to go in and think of what homework lay ahead of them before Monday. It was also chilly, just enough of a bite in the air to make me run inside and grab a hoodie before we headed out.

  I bolted to my room, not wanting to make Shannon wait. We passed each other in the main hallway.

  "Hey, where you heading so fast?"

  "I just need to grab a hoodie, it's chilly," I called over my shoulder.

  "Cool, hurry it up, I'll be waiting in the car."

  I got to my room and started rummaging around the mess of clothes piled at the edge of my bed. It took me just long enough to find what I needed that I noticed the room was unusually cold. No. I didn't even have space inside my brain to let that freak me out. Too much good stuff was going on.

  I slipped the hoodie on, ran out and shut the front door, and joined my sister in the car.

  ~ * ~

  The night had passed quickly, with Shannon quizzing me, like I knew she would, about all sorts of things going on in my life that I would have usually tried to avoid talking about, but so much weight had been lifted, and so much had been rebuilt in me emotionally, that I didn't mind. She especially wanted to know about Jackie, and where I stood with all the post-breakup stuff. If I'd had my "closure,” etcetera. She, like Josh, had of course noticed the positive change in my mood, and the amount of time I was spending with my best friend again, as opposed to weekend nights out alone. It made her happy. Her face looked less worried and tensed-up than it had in a long time. She looked her age again, instead of like a faded shadow of mom.

  The food was fantastic, the conversation pretty much just what it should have been between us, and I was almost sad when the night was over. Almost. There was a larger part of me that was relieved because, now that I was free of having to converse with Shannon, I could focus on what the next twenty-four hours might hold until my brain got too tired to even think of it any more. And as I did just that, restless as my mind was, sleep finally came.

  I woke up to no opened windows, no freezing-cold room, no smelly computer chair. The sun was streaming in through my window like some kind of special effect greeting, and I was euphoric. This was the day.

  Recently, I'd taken to sleeping naked, so I was a little bit more conscious of locking my door before I went to sleep, staying covered and all that. The new habit was something I was at odds with. I had felt a need, an actual physical need, to start doing it, but was sort of uneasy with at the same time. And like any teenage guy with a sister, I was horrified at the thought of her seeing me in my full exposure. I'd never been prude or self-conscious, but never and exhibitionist either. And all my life I'd favored just going to bed shirtless with pajama bottoms. But lately, it was like I heated up at night, and I had to strip down to get comfortable. Ironically, this had all started after Shannon and I had both begun to notice the periods of cold in my room, which we both chalked up to my need for fresh air at night, even though that explanation didn't totally satisfy me. What can you do, right? But in just the past few days, the nights felt very heated.

  This was all still such a new phenomenon for me, that I was often surprised when I got out of bed and was all skin and no fabric.

  And so it was this morning, especially since I'd gotten up ridiculously early for a Saturday. I had, in fact, stumbled all the way over to my computer chair before I realized I had nothing on.

  "Nice move, dumbass... and the blinds on the window are wide open. Beautiful." Talking to myself in the morning was my version of a cup of coffee. The more I sort of babbled on to myself, the more the grogginess dropped off me like dead skin.

  My cell went off. Who the hell? I picked it up without bothering to look at what number was displayed. Whoever was calling this early had to be somebody I knew... well.

  "HEY!" It was Josh. And for some stupid-ass reason, my first reaction was to grab a blanket from the edge of my bed and cover myself.

  "Hey man, what the hell are you doing up so early? Actually, don't answer that yet, hold on."

  I made him hold long enough for me to slip on some boxer briefs and a tee.

  "Okay, so what's up?"

  "I just couldn't pretend to be asleep anymore, and I had a feeling you might be up... CAN YOU BELIEVE IT'S HAPPENING TONIGHT?!" As usual, his enthusiasm was infectious, and I was completely awake, all circuits on overload.

  "I know, I KNOW! I'm amazed I could sleep at all. I guess I needed it. But yeah, I've been thinking about nothing except this show... and of course afterward. I just can't FUCKING believe it! But dude, you didn't sleep at all? Are you gonna be okay tonight?"

  "You're kidding right? Kyle, it's an Alphatwyn show, it's backstage, it's Andy Vein. I t
hink I'll manage to keep my eyes open. Plus, we've both got all Sunday to sleep."

  He did the Josh-pause. The sort of breathy silence that let me know there was one more thing that was on his mind. Something beyond the obvious. Something that was gnawing at him.

  "Josh, what's wrong?"

  "Nothing... Nothing Kyle, I just... I've been worried about you, strangely enough. I mean, you've seemed so damn happy, which is great, everybody's glad to see the real you back again. You know that. I've seen you talking with the people at school that you used to, you've been hanging with me all the time, and hell you've even been close to chatty with Jackie a couple of times..."

  "...and?" I waited.

  "And... I know you. I've known you for a long time, and to be honest, I'm kinda scared this is all some big act, and that tonight is just acting like a Band-Aid, and that you're gonna slump down back into some kind of huge, emotive despair when tomorrow comes and this whole weekend seems like a dream."

  I was stumped. "Um, damn dude, why don't you stop holding back and really lay it all out there." I tried a sarcastic chuckle, but it didn't work.

  Josh sighed. "Look, just tell me I'm wrong, and I'll drop it."

  The truth was, I'd thought about this very thing several times over the past two weeks. I had questioned my sudden burst of happiness and seemingly genuine social behavior. For all I knew, I could be deceiving myself and everyone around me, just for the sake of trying to feel better. But hell, if I concentrated so hard on fooling myself and everybody else, that it actually did end up making me happy, what was the harm? So I gave Josh the answer both he and I wanted.

  "You're wrong man. Completely wrong. But, as always, thanks for being my too-cautious friend."

  He sighed, then gave in and laughed. "Alright rock star, happy birthday, I'll be over in a few hours!"

  His enthusiasm had returned, and so had mine. We were right back in that sweet spot of idol-worship, music-freak, scene-kid-meets-goth-culture euphoria.

  Tonight might be the greatest night of my life, and I was perfectly prepared to accept that, whatever tomorrow might bring.